expressed
themselves much amazed at their own insensibility and sottishness at
such an extraordinary time.
Persons are sometimes brought to the borders of despair, and it looks as
black as midnight to them a little before the day dawns in their souls.
Some few instances there have been, of persons who have had such a sense
of God's wrath for sin, that they have been overborne; and made to cry
out under an astonishing sense of their guilt, wondering that God
suffers such guilty wretches to live upon earth, and that he doth not
immediately send them to hell. Sometimes their guilt doth so stare them
in the face, that they are in exceeding terror for fear that God will
instantly do it; but more commonly their distresses under legal
awakenings have not been to such a degree. In some, these terrors do not
seem to be so sharp, when near comfort, as before; their convictions
have not seemed to work so much that way, but to be led further down
into their own hearts, to a further sense of their own universal
depravity and deadness in sin.
The corruption of the heart has discovered itself in various exercises,
in the time of legal convictions; sometimes it appears in a great
struggle, like something roused by an enemy, and Satan, the old
inhabitant, seems to exert himself, like a serpent disturbed and
enraged. Many in such circumstances, have felt a great spirit of envy
towards the godly, especially towards those who are thought to have been
lately converted, and most of all towards acquaintances and companions,
when they are thought to be converted. Indeed, some have felt many
heart-risings against God, and murmurings at His way of dealing with
mankind, and His dealings with themselves in particular. It has been
much insisted on, both in public and private, that persons should have
the utmost dread of such envious thoughts; which if allowed tend
exceedi